Ep. 14 Self-Sabotage

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Introduction

Sometimes we’re afraid to go after the “impossible” because we might make it happen,

and doing so would shatter our perception of what we are and aren’t capable of.

I know that’s scary because it means you don’t have any more excuses…

it’s also amazing because now, you don’t have anything holding you back.

When things start going well in your life, if you haven’t done the inner work,

Like the power twins, self-sabotage activates.

We get used to a certain level of finances, love, success, and connection.

When we push past that, it’s not uncommon to do something that brings us back to what’s comfortable.

When things start going well, breathe through the success, and accept the discomfort and unfamiliar feeling that success brings.

Breathing and feeling successful is an important step to deactivate self-sabotaging behavior. Soon, success will become comfortable.

Now let’s get into how we self-sabotage.

Main Points

Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen. Stop standing in your way.

Self-sabotage refers to thoughts and beliefs that hold you back and prevent you from doing what you want to do.

Self-sabotage manifests in many different forms – like procrastination, low self-confidence, bad decisions – financial and relationships)

I’ll use procrastination to illustrate my points.

1. Procrastination
   1. You procrastinate to keep from feeling negative emotions like anxiety or distress
   2. If you avoid doing something that you believe will produce emotions that you don’t want to feel or deal with.
   3. You distract yourself through creating drama – like arguing with someone or getting angry about something inconsequential.
   4. You spend your time on social media, watching television, gossiping, shopping, or something else that will distract you from experiencing those emotions.
   5. Sadly you still feel and experience anxiety and distress anyway because you didn’t complete a necessary action or desired goal that was important to you.
2. How to Stop Self-Sabotaging
   1. Recognize your triggers
      1. Become aware when you start to feel emotions that distress or scare you.
         1. What were you thinking immediately before those thoughts?
            1. Shut them out with affirming and beneficial thoughts like I’m an excellent speaker.  I communicate effectively. People like me and want to be around me; they enjoy my company.
      2. Usually stems from childhood experiences.
         1. 1. Children usually internalize negative thoughts from the people around them. If a parent or someone you felt was important in your life as a child told you or showed you that you weren’t smart enough, that you didn’t matter in some way, you might have unconsciously internalized those beliefs. Which now are manifesting as self-sabotage
            2. For example, if you were accustomed to being let down or rejected as a child, you may have thoughts that formed a belief that protects you from being disappointed by not wanting or expecting anything from people.
            3. Similarly, if someone told you or showed you that you weren’t valuable or that you didn’t matter, you may have formed negative thoughts and believed that you aren’t enough, which can manifest itself in many different negative ways.
               1. You have low expectations for yourself in love, relationships, finances, career, even where you can or deserve to live and the quality of life that you will achieve.

1. Do the Inner Work – Self-Reflect
2. 1. Understanding why you are harming yourself and killing your potential requires focused, on purpose self-reflection, when you take the time to identify your what, why, and how you gain great insight into the root of your unconscious motivation and desires.
   2. Change requires that you understand where you are, where you want to go, and how you’ll get there.
   3. To change and transform your life, you must think. So think about:
      1. 1. Who you are now
         2. Who you want to be
         3. And what changes are necessary to be to who you want to be
3. Decide
   1. Decide if you’re going to do the work to change and stop sabotaging your life.
      1. If you’ve decided you aren’t ready to change, you don’t have anything else to do except brace yourself for the terror and destruction coming your way.
      2. If you’ve decided to stop hurting yourself and be who you are called to be, you have some work to complete.
         1. Choose what you want and create a plan.
4. Do the Work
   1. Develop new thoughts and create new beliefs
   2. Visualize the 2.0 or 5.2 version of yourself
   3. Meditate
      1. On the scripture, you are standing on to build your faith
      2. On the new thoughts, you want to think and how those thoughts will change and transform you
   4. Carry out your plan to change.